A CHAPTER OF MY LIFE...

Life's a series of bittersweet memoirs,hope we could make a collage out of it and store it somewhere,like a series of albums. Sometimes i regret not maintaining a diary of my own,a diary where i could ve stored someone,where i could ve stored those wonderful times,days,nights,events...Events that can change our life within a fraction of a second. Meeting someone unexpectedly when u have given up all hopes on finding that 'someone' special..

A chance encounter on a dating site,finding someone different from the rest of the crowd,a simple text.. 'Hi babes' ;) bringing that effervescent smile on my face....texting,chatting online night after nights seemed so splendid.Meeting for the first time...that day..at umm...lets say,a party..was supposed to go spend sometime at his place,well not just 'sometime',the entire night actually...missed it..it was quite late at night and i was hell tired! Met him the very next day..we bonded over a couple of drinks,some food..was supposed to watch a movie..the dvd remained intact,untouched,coz we just talked and talked,from films to men to drinks to affairs to.....endless talks..standing their in your balcony,i wished we could stop our talks and you could kiss me! and you did..finally..the first move..lips in sync,tongues rolling,hands on your face,ur shoulder,ur back....the passion play! we made love..that was'nt a mistake though! little bit nervous,little bit cautious...'why be cautious?' i wondered,'we are safe in each other's arms!'...holding you in my arms,lying on your chest,our naked bodies entwined,feeling your skin,your breath,feeling every single hair on your body..we slept! Looking at your face early morning felt so blissful! stroking your face with my hands,silently,not to wake u up..ur eyelids closed,humming softly into ur ears.....but..i could'nt say it,i just could'nt say those three words which i so desperately wanted to say to you since the previous night...it'd had sounded too early,too soon,too fast...

And...i fell in love..all over again...thinking of you every day and night,waiting for a single call or a text from you made me go insane,i thought you were avoiding me..maybe you did,maybe you did'nt..i did'nt knew for sure,coz u had said u wanted to let go things smoothly,with due course of time..well..i had all my time for u,but......

                .....u had to go! u had to leave and go to a far away land,away from me,to a new life,new people,new beginning! and i knew all of it,u had told me...and thats wot held me from running back towards you,from hugging u tight and not letting u go..coz i wanted you to go,to ve a new life,a better life...a life full of oppurtunities,full of love,full of dreams and aspirations! and hence,u thought i was avoiding you...maybe i did,intentionally...to break myself free from the aura that is 'you',i couldnt let myself go weak in front of,so i didnt even met you before you departed...
                                                                 but u ve and u will,always remain special to me all throughout my life...u taught me a new meaning to love,helped me overcome my insecurities..i can never forget you..Thank you,for being a part of my life,even though it was just for a couple of few days..those few days were SPECIAL...just like YOU ;)

A nostalgic journey before death....

'My life seems to be a series of make-believes'..says Mrinalini to her sister-in-law sitting along the seashore watching her daughter lying safely on her father's chest...it stuck me then,doesnt it hold true for most of the high profile successful celebrities down the years? from our very own Suchitra Sen,Uttam kr,Amitabh Bacchan,Shahrukh Khan,Kareena Kapoor to Marlyn Monroe,Greta Garbo,Ingrid Bergman or Micheal Jackson?? A life constantly being scrutinized by the paparazzi where everything seems to be set up for the sake of tabloids..

Death,absence,seperation,waiting in vain..longing for love ve been the favourite subjects amongst many film makers..In recent time,one has witnessed Rituparno Ghosh toying with the concept of death as a metaphor in most of his projects (from Unishe April,Shubho Mahurat,Dosor to the very recent Shob Choritro kalponik and Abohoman)..Iti Mrinalini too deals with this relativism of death..what has been promoted as a memorablia of a starlet's life before attempting suicide seemed to me as a subject dealing with unending quest,longing for love,longing in vain,and feeling of loss..

Mrinalini in her entire life span witnesses several physical deaths in her life,of people she was close to,of those within whom her entire life encircled at some point in her life..from her college naxalite boyfriend Abhi,to her daughter Sona (the most heart wrenching,poignant of all the deaths),to the demise of Satyajit Ray to her hair dresser kamala di (more like a motherly figure for her).But its not only the physical deaths that forms the basic premise of  Mrinalini's life,the film's biggest and sole catalyst is the death of each of her memoirs,where she tries to conquer death with her nostalgia,churning out memories from her flashbacks..from her college days,adda at the coffee house,sashaying thru streets and trams with her boyfriend Abhi,getting casted in a commercial flick by a noted film maker,playing the perfect mistress to him,having a child out of wed lock,temple wedding,from being a superstar to finding a shoulder to rely upon,an acquaintance in the form of a novelist friend Chintan Nair and dealing with the loss of her only daughter...each sequence in the film has been mingled with Mrinalini's coming out of her reverie each time a fragment of her life dissolves and she searches out for a new one thru her box of pictures as well as pictures thru her phases of life!