Radhika's dilemma..!!

My biggest fear is when he says ''i shall go mad and step out of the house''..

What if he goes away all of a sudden?..

wot if he steps into an unknown lane?..

and wot if..

in his place,comes back a mad man wearing his clothes! wild eyed with poison,he comes to me and asks 'give me food,m hungry! i shall bathe with u,shall sleep in ur arms!'..

the body is familiar,but his breath is unknown,the smell is different! the way he looks at me is unusual,his body..an unknown yet familiar flesh of bear!!

Lying together,content..wot if, confused - i grab him by his hairs,off my chest, i ask 'Who are you?'

Least i forget,being locked in love..with him..

that 'my man' is lost!

lurking somewhere in the cold crowded streets!

in some platform,or crouching under a vegetable stall..

MY MOST INTIMATE MOONSTRUCK MAN...UNKNOWINGLY BETRAYED!!

                                                                          courtesy - SHOB CHORITRO KALPONIK

'TOMAR THOT AAMAR THOT CHULO...'

 

  tomar thot aamar thot chulo

  jodio ei prothombar noi                                                            

  chumbon to ageo bohubar...

  eibar thothe mileche ashroi

  jemon shob bhoyer golpe

  doitto danob rakkosh r khoi

  tile tile shukhoi rajkumari

  ontomile rajputrer joy

  tobuo khub bhitore badhahin

  lorai chole shumbo nishumbher

  prothom bole, phool ti chire khabo

  ditio bole, hath pate shekh

  ashole tumi dirgho shalmoli 

  shobar matha chariye torbor

  tomar thoth amar thoth chulo

  r ja kichu okinchitkor

               --- sugato gangopadhyay

Vidya Balan in The Dirty Picture...Silk Smitha or Mamta Kulkarni??????

I love women oriented flicks. Period! action based,sci fi, war flicks have never intrigued me so much,so i went for The Dirty Picture only because of the very same reason, to witness the bio pic of an 80's southern semi porn star..and also to catch up with our very own demure lalitha shedding her 'girl next door' image.Vidya didnt disappoint,infact its one of those roles that comes once in a while for bollywood actresses, more to that later. As we know prior to its release,the film captures the life of Silk Smitha,the only memory of this starlet that i have is with the Kamal Hassan, Sridevi starrer Sadma where the actress with minimal outfit seduced Kamal Hassan with her sexual overtone and tongue rollicking and seductively gyrated to a raunchy number sung by Asha Bhonsle! Before the release of the film, i had made it a point to go through various Silk Smitha videos available on Youtube, hence to my disappointment,while watching Vidya onscreen i could'nt relate her with the Silk Smitha i have seen in those videos! 

Silk, as i ve seen in her videos, seemed more garish,with over the top hairdo,loud make up,funny costumes (feathers on top of her head wearing zebra style bra and panty!!) and at times ugly! whereas Vidya, even though tried hard to go overboard with her make up and costumes,instead, turned out to be prettier and graceful in the film! and then,it strike me,that instead of Silk Smitha, she was more like one of those 90's starlets like Mamata Kulkarni! Mamta's filmograph too traversed the same path like Silk,except one doesn't know the whereabouts of Mamta Kulkarni these days.Mamta Kukarini was one of those actresses who happily played the second lead or item girl in most of the successful films of the 90's,she was a graceful dancer,revealing outfits on full display (sex bomb,we used to call her!),thunder thigh figure with heaving bosom but..she was pretty and charming in her own way,unlike Silk!!

Now coming to the film.Its all about Vidya Balan.At a time,when heroines are more concerned about getting their hour glass figure intact and no chub look perfect with size zero mantra and botox,hats off to her for showing the guts and carrying off a role that required her to even put on excess flab and chubby cheeks and even flaunt it off  post interval! Performance wise,Vidya has always excelled as an actress (Parineeta,Paa,Ishqiya,No one killed Jessica to be precise),and here too,she does more than full justice to her character which again makes her a sure shot winner at all the major award functions next year.

P.S. : i ve a complaint with the climax though, instead of turning it into a cliched death scene (more like Marilyn Monroe style tragedy!),the film maker could have shown the real truth..because,Silk Smitha did'nt end herself popping those sleeping pills.......she hanged herself !!

How easy it is to 'Move on...' ???

It often creates a confusion when u plunge into something without even giving a second thought. Falling in love might be easier, but continuing with the same has never been a smooth ride always.You go through lots of ups and downs, sometimes it gets on to your nerves (nerve wrecking!)..and then, there comes a point when u are no longer able to handle the emotional stress, the tensions..u decide to end it once and for all and move on..move out of that relationship!! But does that 'moving on' becomes easy? it reminds me of the 'fastrack' ad where they show the couple giving away each other's gifts and moving on with a perfect Gen X attitude! is that so easy? to forget someone you had shared a part of ur life with! all the dreams,hopes...to stay together till death do us part!! it sounds cliched....

After going through the break ups(couple of times!), i too went through the same, but alas! for me, the 'moving on' was not that easy..7 months to move on??? Oh boy! thats a hell lot of time!! what becomes painstakingly awful is to get rid of all the moments that you had spend with the person you were in a relationship with, that keeps coming back like those flash back scenes we watch in the movies!Nights after nights taking turns in bed,hoping to get some sleep until u turn into an insomniac and finally, relying on those sleeping pills! Sure..u do have those strenuous times while u r in a relationship..life can never be mushy mushy all the time, but whats more depressing are those beautiful moments that u had shared with someone! to erase out all those moments becomes so difficult that........

You can never feel the essence of rains unless u fall in love, music has its own way of  reaching into the hearts of those in love, a cup of hot steaming coffee after a hot session of love making can be blissful, going out for a long drive at night with your man in tow, waking up and cuddling next to someone with a face that makes u go weak and numb! and then..everything ends!!... just like that, getting rid of those moments becomes impossible,so much so that u swear, never ever to fall in love again....

but then, one doesn't have a control over their feelings! it works according to its own rhythm! so no matter how much you try to control your emotions...it will find its own path...eventually!



falling in love? again?...Oh Crap!! here it goes...the emotional atyaachar begins !!! tired of it !

WINTER MEMORIES...

Ah! Santa Claus is here again !! And its such a tough time to get out of your blankets and go out in the morning! To hell with morning walks and weight issues!The advent of winter brings back memories of bygone years..Winters are always associated with short trips, outings with family..sort of picnics along with the short term winter breaks..the razzmatazz chaos during christmas, the madness of new year eve, distributing (and collecting!) new year cards from friends and families alike,camp fire, maagh bihu festival, the effervescent aromas of 'pithas',curd, jaggery, and payesh !! and my granny....from the past few years, since her demise,i had been missing her terribly during this particular time of the year...those long hours of sitting together on the verandah, watching countless mythological movies, listening to her stories...miss her terribly !! 

Chocolate Boy turns into a ROCKSTAR !!

I had been asked by a reporter after coming out of the multiplex about my reactions on the film..I was'nt sure what to say, coz all i could think of was Jordon aka Ranbir Kapoor.He infuses life and soul into the character,from his charming 'boy-next-door' image in the opening reels to his arrogance towards the climax, he's the only reason that keeps u hooked up to your seats.Its a tailor made role for him.His body language,the way he lip syncs to Chauhan's voice and the rusticity he gives to the character is to watch out for.The problem with the film is its half backed screenplay that seemed monotonous and stretched towards the end with not ample scope being given to the gradual outcome of a rockstar in his true psychedelic form akin to Jim Morrison.

Also why do our filmmakers cast these anorexic, straight faceted, brawny, half hindustani, half firangi models in their films? This newbie Nargis Fakhri is such a pain to watch ! She's lifeless and literally 'plastic' in her expressions, moreover since the film boasts of ample romantic scenes between the lead players, Imtiaz should ve been more cautious in selecting a much finer actress! Lack of Indian girls Imtiaz? Your Heer is nowhere near to Geet or Meera!

I personally liked the abrupt climax of the film, which of course, would cater only towards a niche audience,the multiplex crowd per say.Another scoring point of the film is Rahman. He injects some soulful tracks which was expected from a Rock themed flick and yes,the film has some terrific moments,thanks to the star called Ranbir Kapoor! 

My Chocolate boy is no longer chocolaty, he has turned into a ROCKSTAR !! 

Ebong......Ritu da and Nabo di !!

Its one of those rare occasions,that comes once in a while when you get to witness two of your most beloved 'iconic' personalities on stage,together..hand in hand..This happened recently at the Washington Bangla Radio awards.I remember the last time i got to catch up with the two of them together in Etv Bangla's chat show EBONG RITUPARNO, a show hosted by the film maker himself..Here's a poetess and a novelist (pardon me,i must refer to her as a legend !) whom i have loved since ages.I remember going through her short children stories during my school days (summer vacation days to be precise!), and later, her collection of stories which were published in the annual Nabakallol subscriptions.
Much later, maybe 3,4 yrs back i read her first novel 'Sita theke Shuru' and was completely bowled over by her writing that combined high intellect along with incredible wit and humour ! Since then my passion towards her writings grew day by day..Nati Nabanita, Monsieur Hulor holiday, travelogues like Karuna Tomar kon path diye, Truck bahone Mcmohan, novels like Nattorombho, Swabhumi etc..and the columns that i always keep myself updated with, from her exclusive,evergreen Bhalo bashar baaranda.

Now coming to the other one,he's undoubtedly my most cherished film maker of all time. The countless times i have seen all his films, i could well write a thesis on his celluloid work ! ( Oh! exaggerated heights of my over confidence!) I have been extremely biased towards his films,have watched them repeatedly on my dvd player,rewinding scenes after scenes,the dialogues almost engraved within my grey matter!sometimes even overlooking the flaws in flicks like Khela, Shob Charitro kalponik and The last lear. Ghosh is not just a great story teller, for me,he's a painter who has sketched out some impeccable women protagonists over these years that i have fallen in love with..Be it Bonolata, Boro bou (of Antarmahal), Titli, Kaberi, Rohini, Vandana, Shikha, Padmini Chowdhury, Ranga pishima or my most favourite Sarojini Gupta !

The rhythm,the moves,the grace,the smile &....the face that spells magic!!

Her countdown to the numero uno position started with Ek do teen (Tezaab)...literally! with the youngsters swooning over her moves in Humko aajkal hai intezaar (Sailaab) looking endearing in her fisher women's costumes in her full maharastrian mulgi avatar..Giving a new meaning to the term 'seduction' with her 'heaving' number in Dhak dhak karne laga (Beta), she hit the moral police hard with her raunchy number Choli ke peeche kya hai ( Khal Nayak),but much to the censor board's dismay,the number instantly became a sensation and a crowd puller as well...bringing back the family audience flocking to the theaters with her mesmerising charm with Didi tera devar deewana (Hum Apke Hain Koun)..There's no one like her who could express brilliantly with her eyes and her face, Channe ke khet mein (Anjaam) was a testimony to that..she followed it up with her spunky 'eye rolling' gestures in Akhiyaan Milaaon (Raja) and proving once again that she's equally comfortable gyrating in ethnic as well as contemporary ensembles with the chartbuster Mera piya ghar aaya (Yaarana)..One of her most dynamic display of her dancing skills would undoubtedly be the most under rated number of her career Saanson ki maala pe (Koyla), because the very same year,she set the screen on fire with her moves in Dil to pagal hai..With both Amitabh Bacchan and Govinda drooling over her in Makhna (Bade Miya Chote Miyaan), she proved her dancing prowess yet again by matching steps with Prabhu Deva in the scintillating number Kay Sera Sera (Pukar) and Badi Mushkil (Lajja) and last but not the least,she transformed into a legend with her classic Chandramukhi act in Devdas.....and as they say, the legend continues...

The Undisputed Diva !!

Ok...so i had been her craziest fan since years,claiming myself to be her biggest fan..have seldom thought to write something on her..her work..her films,but...so here from now, some of my upcoming current posts will be dedicated to her..only her..about her...her films..her bestest roles..and obviously...her dance !! Ek do teen...here i go...!

DIWALI AND THE BOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTERS !!

Diwali 1995 witnessed the movie that went on to set humongous records at the box office (Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge) starring every movie goers favourite couple Shahrukh - Kajol in combo with a perfectly blended punjabi family, lush locales of Zurich,superhit music and the essence of mera desh meri mitti.What also worked in bonus for the film was its release perfectly in time with the previous year's blockbuster attraction Hum Apke Hain Koun, which set a new standard and platform for family oriented wedding dramas

If 1996 had been the year for Karisma Kapoor to show her histrionics along with a surprise image change over in Raja Hindustani,teaming up with the perfectionist Aamir Khan for the first time (richie rich lolo falling for our hindustani cab driver Aamir), the year 1997 brought to the silver screen a new craze for youth oriented candyfloss romance in the form of Dil To Pagal Hai combined with chart topping music from the melody queen Lata Mangeshkar and the 3 reigning superstars of that time Madhuri Dixit, Shahrukh Khan and Karisma Kapoor. The film also gave a new dimension to art direction and costume design.  Bollywood witnessed a more urbane, picturesque, stylized interiors after a long time ( thanks to Sharmistha Roy) and a more soft,layered,vibrant,candyfloss look of its leading stars ( courtesy Manish Malhotra and Mickey Contractor) not to mention brilliant still shots from the ace photographer Gautam Rajadhyaksha.

The year 1998 saw the emergence of a new breed film maker in the form of Karan Johar redefining the theory of bubble gum college romance in the form of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai starring the ever graceful, ever charming Srk - Kajol teaming up with a fresh,delightful Rani Mukherji, feel good factor along with tear jerker,what more could we ask for!! I remember that diwali it had rained heavily almost in all parts of India but that didnt dampen the spirits of our cine goers, even me rushing for an early morning show under an umbrella,fighting my way out amidst a huge crowd outside the theater,searching for a local to get last moment tickets in 'black' !

When family oriented movies were in vogue, how can our master craftsman Sooraj Barjatya be left behind!, he came up with his multi starrer Hum Saath Saath Hain during diwali 1999 ( i remember,the then media labelled the film as the neutron bomb of that diwali!).. The film apart from its lead players, had an ensemble cast comprising of bhaiyya, bhabhis, mama, mamis..add to that a modern day version of the Ramayana and Voila! u ve got ur entire family lined up outside the theaters with kids and elderly couples in tow!

2000 also witnessed the clashing of the giants Shahrukh Khan,Amitabh Bacchan starrer Mohabbataein and Hrithik Roshan's Mission Kashmir diverting its audience towards their favourite stars nevertheless making producers and distributors of both the films immensely satisfied..but now i wonder, what made me like this 3 hrs 45 mins of a boring saga ( Mohabbataien) that i went 4 times to watch this nonsense at the theater!!

The next few years also witnessed some major flicks doing well at the box office during diwali ( Veer Zara 2004, Don 2006, Om Shanti Om 2007, Fashion 2008) but somehow for me none of this later year films could recreate the same magic for me the way some of those that had created and which i had left way back in the 90's....maybe a craze dies down after a certain period of time, a craze u remain besotted with untill a period of time, untill a period of ur life span!!

KALI, DIWALI, MOVIES and...BOOOMMM !!

Razzmatazz streetlights, freshly (and brightly) done home decors, flashlights,diyas, crowded sweetmeat stalls,cracker's stalls along the roadside,the intoxicating ( but unhealthy? who cares!) smell of burned crackers in the air,glittering crackers,the unstoppable sound of the pathakas (time for grannys to put on their ear plugs everytime it goes BOOOMM!)...has always been synonymous with Diwali..

Also for bengalis its a time to participate in the late night celebration of the bengali's official deity,Kali (read Jai kali kalkatte waali!)..Kali,the 4 armed iconographic goddess standing on a prone or inert Shiva is celebrated amongst the bengalis with as much enthusiasm as goddess Durga. Also the very next day being bhai phota / bhai duuj (wot is it if u may ask..for the sisters its a time to put black,white,red,yellow tikas on their brother's forehead and earn gifts...simple *wink*) !!

Now add to that a perfect Bollywood Blockbuster and u can't ask for a better 2 day's fun!
My school days hd always been associated with diwali along with a bollywood flick..Of course, i never got to watch those movies during the course of diwali ( parent's rule!), but nevertheless, the excitement of a diwali release coming up, big banner hoardings flashing across the highways and main roads,queues across the cinema halls (stampede scenario at times, viz. Dil to pagal hai, Kuch Kuch hota hai) all escalated my adrenaline rush!
Times might have changed in the recent times with films like Don and Golmal doing exceedingly well at the box office, but previously diwali always used to be the release factor for big budget family entertainers from the house of Chopras and the Johars!

to be continued.....

EMBRACING MALE NUDITY !!

How many of you have drooled and moaned over Ranbir Kapoor's intriguing towel dance in Saawariya? Well...its definitely a post metrosexual syndrome off late..Gone are the days when the object of a sexual fantasy were restricted only within the female appearance in a movie (from Raj kapoor to Yash Chopra to Mani Ratnam). I personally felt that the towel dance in Saawariya has been one of the most stylishly choreographed sequence in the history of indian cinema! Sanjay's trick was definitely to blurr out the gender boundaries at the level of how bodies are perceived by male and female. A male sexual form in its full glory gyrating into a chartbusting number redefining male sexuality in Bollywood movies.Ranbir Kapoor in his firm,chiseled out,sculpted body baring it all in front of the audience,combine with it a Monalisa draped in indian finery,Bhansali's own surrealistic obsession with colors,from monochrome to multicolor (black,white,blue,green and red)..light and shadow..giving the song a visually stunning,overwhelming in opulence and often, Moulin Rouge in appeal

I ve heard someone referring it as a 'coming of age' scenario of Homo-Eroticism !! well...i dont agree,atleast then it wouldn't ve been a drooling factor for the countless female fan followings of Ranbir Kapoor!

 P.S. : Well, Ranbir's been a drooling factor for me as well ;)

GOING DOWN MEMORY LANE.....with a heavy heart !!

Here she comes...mommy dearest! Somewhere this festival has become a part of the bengali culture,a part which every bengali household keeps waiting for all through out the year! I too, m no exception.So literally m pretty much upset this year for not being able to witness the grandeur of this fest since m out of home,out of my home town, in a land where there's very little significance of this festival,where the prime focus of a fest has been restricted only to college fests? party squares? weekend outings? Urbanization they say!

Day dreaming has become a part of my solitude this days,going back to my school days,waiting eagerly for the puja holidays.The shopping spree in full swing months before the advent of the puja holidays.Actually the excitement begins from the month of september. Witnessing the creation of the idols at the bhashon pal (much like kumortuli of kolkata), the first instalment of the kathamo,the clay structure,giving it a form..then comes the colour base,covering the clay models with bejewelled saris,paper work ornaments.And then few days after the Vishwakarma puja,comes the invoking of the goddess,MAHALAYA!

Getting up early morning,listening to the agomoni songs,watching the MAHISHASUR MARDINI program on tv.By this time the pandal work begins in full swing..and i m talking of an age when theme puja has not yet been started,so it was just a simple hugely structured pandal with decorating interiors with a huge chandelier,colourful canvas and a broader base where the 5 idols will be brought on the 5th day (panchami) starting from Mahalaya.

Colourful markets,bazars,stalls,roads and shops packed with men,women,children alike. Loading of the idols on the trucks on panchami,going to their destined pandals, where they'll be worshiped for 5 days,and again loading them on the same trucks on the 5th day taking them to the brahmaputra ghat where they'll be immersed one after another bringing at end to the much talked about,much celebrated festival of the bengalis DURGA PUJA! I will miss a part of my life this year. A part i m so used to,since my birth.Will miss the moments i have cherished all through my life..the last moment shopping,pandal hopping,eating outs,night outs,watching all the rituals associated with it..the sound of the drums,the blaring music from the loud speakers,the morning anjoli,pujor bhog,arati,bisorjon er pala and of course my sister,specially this time of the year when we both go crazy!!....everything...just about everything!...hopes alive mommy! hopefully,next year ! Amen!

....Of Radha and Meera !!

"A big budget,lavishly mounted magnum opus from Sanjay Leela Bhansali" screamed the hoardings in 2002 when Devdas was released...and it did lived upto the expectations of being truely a gloriously excessive bollywood epic in the history of indian cinema operated on a scale seldom seen in bollywood ( read Mughal e azam,Pakezaah, Amrapali for past reeferences). The film was outrightly turned down by the critics for doing injustice to the classic masterpiece by the bengali author Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay. I, for one seriously didnt like the novel when i read it long back during my school days,finding it extremely depressing,doomed and lethargic towards the end. So before the release of the film,i caught up with Bimal Roy's version of the classic starring Dilip kumar, Suchitra Sen and Vyajayntimala. Again i found it boring,except for the brilliant performances of its lead players... But much to the dislikes of many critics, i found Bhansali's version to be visually stunning, splendid, not to mention entertaining, though being high on melodrama and over the top performances...but most importantly,i loved the film because of its two leading ladies Madhuri and Aishwarya.

Something about this film which i found remarkable was the beautiful depiction of the two prime characters in the film, Paro and Chandramukhi. Their love,pathos,emotions and struggle encircling the protagonist Devdas. One truely gets to witness Bhansali's eye for detailing when it comes to classic aesthetic sense,marvelously blending the two women within the mythological characters of Radha and Meera,the life stories of whom we all are aware of..

The director (along with the costume designers Abu jani-Sandeep khosla / Neeta lulla and art director Nitin desai) infuses ample textures and colours to match up with this two mythological references from the past..Red,blue,satin,pink,lavender and purple to elaborate the flamboyance and radiant Radha (Paro) while using Orange,Maroon,green and gold for the purity and sanity of Meera ( Chandramukhi).

Radha's longing for a single glimpse of Krishna transformed her into a divine lover,even naming her as 'Srimati' the beloved of 'Sri' Krishna, the crown jewel of all Krishna's consorts, the goddess of 'raas'..,while Meera being a poetess,dedicating her entire life singing and dancing for the everlasting charm of her Krishna, never expecting anything in return,perceiving him as her lord,lover,husband and master...coloring herself with the 'color of dusk'

Now coming back to the film Devdas,many had objected Bhansali's interpretation since he had taken enough liberty with the original classic. Nothing wrong with that, if u are presenting it in a right mode, in a correct context, for example, the meeting between the two women had never occured in the novel while i simply cant forget one of the best scenes in the film,the confrontation between the two ladies at their first meeting and of course, the highlight of the film being the brilliantly choreographed dola re dola number by Saroj Khan,the two women dancing in gay abandon expressing their love for Devdas! The mystic virginal beauty of Aishwarya blending in sync with the magical eloquence of Madhuri Dixit providing the sole for this much touted magnum opus of Indian Cinema.

Agreed that the film was extremely melodramatic,true to bollywood glitches, but if you can keep the commercial aspects aside and look out for the aesthetic touches in the film, then you will surely find a Radha lighting a lamp throughout in the name of Krishna, a Meera, who's inner chambers are a reflection of her devotion towards her beloved Krishna and many more such alike!

That dark dweller in Braj

                                                             Is my only refuge.

O my companion, worldly comfort is an illusion,

As soon you get it, it goes.

I have chosen the indestructible for my refuge,

Him whom the snake of death will not devour.

My beloved dwells in my heart all day,

I have actually seen that abode of joy.

Meera's lord is Hari, the indestructible.

My lord, I have taken refuge with you, your maidservant

A CHAPTER OF MY LIFE...

Life's a series of bittersweet memoirs,hope we could make a collage out of it and store it somewhere,like a series of albums. Sometimes i regret not maintaining a diary of my own,a diary where i could ve stored someone,where i could ve stored those wonderful times,days,nights,events...Events that can change our life within a fraction of a second. Meeting someone unexpectedly when u have given up all hopes on finding that 'someone' special..

A chance encounter on a dating site,finding someone different from the rest of the crowd,a simple text.. 'Hi babes' ;) bringing that effervescent smile on my face....texting,chatting online night after nights seemed so splendid.Meeting for the first time...that day..at umm...lets say,a party..was supposed to go spend sometime at his place,well not just 'sometime',the entire night actually...missed it..it was quite late at night and i was hell tired! Met him the very next day..we bonded over a couple of drinks,some food..was supposed to watch a movie..the dvd remained intact,untouched,coz we just talked and talked,from films to men to drinks to affairs to.....endless talks..standing their in your balcony,i wished we could stop our talks and you could kiss me! and you did..finally..the first move..lips in sync,tongues rolling,hands on your face,ur shoulder,ur back....the passion play! we made love..that was'nt a mistake though! little bit nervous,little bit cautious...'why be cautious?' i wondered,'we are safe in each other's arms!'...holding you in my arms,lying on your chest,our naked bodies entwined,feeling your skin,your breath,feeling every single hair on your body..we slept! Looking at your face early morning felt so blissful! stroking your face with my hands,silently,not to wake u up..ur eyelids closed,humming softly into ur ears.....but..i could'nt say it,i just could'nt say those three words which i so desperately wanted to say to you since the previous night...it'd had sounded too early,too soon,too fast...

And...i fell in love..all over again...thinking of you every day and night,waiting for a single call or a text from you made me go insane,i thought you were avoiding me..maybe you did,maybe you did'nt..i did'nt knew for sure,coz u had said u wanted to let go things smoothly,with due course of time..well..i had all my time for u,but......

                .....u had to go! u had to leave and go to a far away land,away from me,to a new life,new people,new beginning! and i knew all of it,u had told me...and thats wot held me from running back towards you,from hugging u tight and not letting u go..coz i wanted you to go,to ve a new life,a better life...a life full of oppurtunities,full of love,full of dreams and aspirations! and hence,u thought i was avoiding you...maybe i did,intentionally...to break myself free from the aura that is 'you',i couldnt let myself go weak in front of,so i didnt even met you before you departed...
                                                                 but u ve and u will,always remain special to me all throughout my life...u taught me a new meaning to love,helped me overcome my insecurities..i can never forget you..Thank you,for being a part of my life,even though it was just for a couple of few days..those few days were SPECIAL...just like YOU ;)

A nostalgic journey before death....

'My life seems to be a series of make-believes'..says Mrinalini to her sister-in-law sitting along the seashore watching her daughter lying safely on her father's chest...it stuck me then,doesnt it hold true for most of the high profile successful celebrities down the years? from our very own Suchitra Sen,Uttam kr,Amitabh Bacchan,Shahrukh Khan,Kareena Kapoor to Marlyn Monroe,Greta Garbo,Ingrid Bergman or Micheal Jackson?? A life constantly being scrutinized by the paparazzi where everything seems to be set up for the sake of tabloids..

Death,absence,seperation,waiting in vain..longing for love ve been the favourite subjects amongst many film makers..In recent time,one has witnessed Rituparno Ghosh toying with the concept of death as a metaphor in most of his projects (from Unishe April,Shubho Mahurat,Dosor to the very recent Shob Choritro kalponik and Abohoman)..Iti Mrinalini too deals with this relativism of death..what has been promoted as a memorablia of a starlet's life before attempting suicide seemed to me as a subject dealing with unending quest,longing for love,longing in vain,and feeling of loss..

Mrinalini in her entire life span witnesses several physical deaths in her life,of people she was close to,of those within whom her entire life encircled at some point in her life..from her college naxalite boyfriend Abhi,to her daughter Sona (the most heart wrenching,poignant of all the deaths),to the demise of Satyajit Ray to her hair dresser kamala di (more like a motherly figure for her).But its not only the physical deaths that forms the basic premise of  Mrinalini's life,the film's biggest and sole catalyst is the death of each of her memoirs,where she tries to conquer death with her nostalgia,churning out memories from her flashbacks..from her college days,adda at the coffee house,sashaying thru streets and trams with her boyfriend Abhi,getting casted in a commercial flick by a noted film maker,playing the perfect mistress to him,having a child out of wed lock,temple wedding,from being a superstar to finding a shoulder to rely upon,an acquaintance in the form of a novelist friend Chintan Nair and dealing with the loss of her only daughter...each sequence in the film has been mingled with Mrinalini's coming out of her reverie each time a fragment of her life dissolves and she searches out for a new one thru her box of pictures as well as pictures thru her phases of life!

Love making v/s Sex!!

Life can take a huge 360 degree turn when u least expect it.We move on,our paths cross,we meet,we interact,a likeness..an admiration grows,but does that always lasts forever? We move out of a failed relationship with soreness,bitterness,with a broken heart, hoping to find that perfect someone all over again and instead plunging into the wrong ones and at the wrong times! But sometime we come across that single person when we least expect it,when we dont see any connection going on for the same..

Meeting someone at a time when all your emotions had gone wry.Falling for someone blindly,that too in vain..when deep down you know there's nothing in store for that likeness!it was probably wot we call as an infatuation,living in a surreal world where everything seems to be so bollywood'ish',so romantic,everything perfect.But thats far cry from reality where u need to make lots of compromises....compromising with your emotions,calling it as love!

Sometimes i find it difficult to like someone mentally and to get engaged with the same person physically,it seemed obnoxious though..for me a mental connection involves a lot of emotional bonding which i found to be absent while dealing with the physical aspect of it...Its weird actually,to be in bed kissing someone and thinking of someone else at the same time,to feel someone within ur body while feeling someone else at the same time!! I did that,many times and the mere thought of it makes me go insane,when i was unable to handle it after a point.

'Sex involves a lot of emotional bonding between two individuals'..for me it was hard to follow the same,i had never been emotionally involved with someone i had enjoyed being physically with...SEX has always been an 'act' which is fun,which is satisfying,which is fulfilling till it lasts..i never had to cuddle someone just after the act.For me cuddling someone,or waking up the next morning,content,smiling,carries and emotional baggage,again a case of mental connection.

to be continued...

ZINDAGI NA MILEGI DOBARA - A beautiful but monotonous journey through life and relationship

There are moments in the film that celebrates the true spirit of life..To overcome the fear of life,to face the bitter truth,to keep ur head high and plunge onto a decision instead of playing hide and seek,these are the few aspects of life brilliantly captured by Zoya in her second venture.When i first saw the promos of the film i thought it'd end up being another DIL CHAHTA HAI,but thankfuly,this is;nt another 'coming-of-age' saga!

What i like about Zoya's narrative is that she doesnt follow any style or pattern,infact it takes time for her characters to develop..Her way of film making is simple yet filled with some intricate detailing about human relationships..but there is a huge problem within ZNMD..its pace,it starts off with a bang with three friends going out on a vacation,rediscovering themselves,overcoming their fears and dealing with their inner turmoil and thats where the film suffers...The hurdles or the dilemmas faced by the prime protagonists evoke no sympathies wotsoever..Hrithik being too much career obsessed,Farhan's problem coming face to face with his biological father who had abandoned him and Abhay's commitment issues.. Now have'nt we all seen this before in countless other flicks! so wots new bout it? frankly speaking..none..thr's nothing much in the film to write or talk about except some stunning visuals,gr8 locales,some brilliantly shot sequences (sky dive,underwater shots,bull race and the beautifuly choreographed 'Senorita' song)..

Performance wise Farhan excels for providing some good chuckles,Abhay's just ok,and surprisingly Hrithik looks terribly old and weaned out thruout the film..Though m not at all a fan of Katrina,but i liked her though, specially since her voice was not being dubbed..But the one person who deserves my extra brownie points is Kalki..she's a gem of an actress..watch her expressions while lip syncing to that 'm a hot chick gal' while driving the car!

P.S. : Zoya's a director to watch out for but for her future projects she should infuse a few more interesting plots into her screenplay to overcome the monotony!

From Stage to Screen or vice versa!!

Theatre and its base ve inspired many of the legendary film makers across the globe and it continues to do so..after all we ve some brilliant names associated with the stage - Naseerudin Shah,Om puri,Girish Karnad,Mahesh Dattani,Lillete Dubey,Arundhati Nag to name a few..even some well known plays being later transformed into films like Mahesh Dattani's 'Dance like a man','Morning raaga' etc..Even the reverse has happened,like recently it was being heard that Paresh Rawal wants to re-create Rituparno Ghosh's 'Unishe april' on stage.Now how much of this endeavours are successful among the movie buffs and the theatre going audience is the big question!
First of all,i ve no objection in plays being transformed into films,but whatever i ve seen of it in the past few years i was not impressed..(i didnt like Pamela Rooks' 'Dance like a man',though Shobhana as usual, was mesmerising with her grace and charm)

Ve seen a film some years back,M.F.Hussain's magnum opus 'GAJA GAMINI' an ode to womanhood, starring Hussain's muse Madhuri Dixit playing a mysterious figure called Gaja gamini,which appears as four different characters in different shots of the film namely Sangeeta/ Shakuntala/ Monika/ Monalisa....



For me the film was very confusing at that point of time coz i was barely 16 or 17 yrs old then, later when i saw the film on dvd,i somehow felt it was beautiful..though not as a film but as an art, which could ve been well represented if being made as a play instead of a movie.Also the canvas of the film was extremely eye candy,thanks to Mr.Hussain,which again could ve been presented on the canvas as well,keeping in mind the avid art lovers like me!
Now coming to the point,what i felt while watching the movie (as well as Hussain's next flick 'Meenaxi') is that Hussain should restrict himself within the parameters of an artist,not as a filmaker coz he's not so good in handling the subjects he had choosen.Instead,like in case of GAJA GAMINI,he should ve written the script and handed it to someone else to direct it on stage,because the script had so much scope in it to turn out to be an amazing play on stage!

When i first saw the film,it just looked like a vision thru a painter's eyes juxtaposed between illusion and reality, a concept which could ve been more appealing if presented as a ballet.Gaja Gamini is a mysterious figure (throughout the film her face has been kept obscurred from the audience's view) who travels thru different time zones carrying a gathri on top of her head,like a burden which a woman must carry on,all thru her life....The women that we come across are in the form of Leonardo da vinci's Monalisa,Kalidas's Shakuntala,a blind girl Sangeeta, inspiring the village women folk to stand up for their rights and carve a niche for themselves,and finally a woman of the new millenium,Monika...Also thrown into the script is a confrontational scene between the two aspects of Science and Arts.
Now all of this sounds interesting and brilliant but not within a 2 hr framed silver screen and thats where Hussain did the mistake by recreating his vision into a film! Something which we ve recently witnessed in Sanjay Leela Bhansali's SAAWARIYA

IMMORTALISING THE ROLES THEY PORTRAYED.....

I ve been an immense movie lover since god knows how long and then thr were those characters,those protagonists that ve stayed on my mind forever....here's bringing some of the classic well sketched,brilliantly enacted roles from world cinema....

KARUNA BANERJEE (Sarbajaya) Pather panchali

Eyes that speaks volume,a housewife dealing with the constant worries of feeding her children,of her husband's return from the city,of her fear of living in a dilapidated house...she scrimps and saves and struggles to bring up her children Apu & Durga while keeping eye on the troublesome,senile aunt...she's irritable,worn down by work & injured pride..Undoubtedly,a standout performance in the history of indian cinema..

APARNA SEN (Sarojini Gupta) Unishe April

'Draupadi ke dekhle shob purush maanush e henglaami korto,sheta oshobbhota noy?' ..Now who could say a dialogue like this with as much gutso,as much flamboyance as Aparna Sen's! Everytime i watch the film and i watch her stature,her enigma and her persona,often turning herself witty instead of caricaturing it,..it amazes me,surprises me,compels me to watch the film over and over again,only because of her..Hats off to Rituparno Ghosh for perfectly blending into her the emotions of a mother as well as the personality of a dancer,someone who's dedication to her art is evident in every frame..

MERYL STREEP (Sophie) Sophie's Choice

Meryl streep surprises me everytime i watch a flick of hers and this one's truely one of her best written roles..This was a film which made her go thru several nuances portraying the various shades of her character through different time periods,from a young polish girl,pathetic concentration camp prisoner,mortally ill immigrant to a healthy & seemingly glamorous woman at the end,cruising thru different segments requiring her to speak in Polish,German and broken english,not even going out of sync for once, making it an overwhelming experience casting a powerful,uninterrupted spell with this Oscar winning performance!!

SHABANA AZMI (Pooja) Arth

Directed by Mahesh Bhatt,Arth was about a woman's search for her identity..Shabana Azmi bringing into life the helplessness,pain,solitude of a woman cheated by her husband..Being an orphan she knows she has no where else to go,but she dares to move out of her husband's house,taking accomodation in a ladies' hostel,surviving thru the clutches of some goons,finding for a job,getting drunk at a party and lurching at the 'other woman',Shabana enacts the role with full sincerity that too at the inital phase of her career!..Watch with breathless abandon the emotions which fleet across her face!

JULIA ROBERTS (Erin) Erin Brokovich

She's sassy,she's fun,she's cool,ve no control over her language,a single mom raising her kids,unemployed and single handedly bringing down a California power company accused of polluting a city's water supply...Based on a real life story,Roberts plays the role to the hilt! I guess one more reason why her performance stands out in the film is because she carried a serious role with much more lesser weight without any excess baggage and with a whiff of fresh air!

UTTAM KUMAR (Arindam Mukherji) Nayok

Uttam kr. did only two films with Ray (the other one being Chiriyakhana),and both of them turned out to be his career's bests..Nayak is a one day journey into the life & mind of a Superstar,coincidently matching up to the charisma of maha nayok Uttam kr..Ray had himself said in an interview that he could not think of any other actor for this part..An actor's life being always out in the public view,his mistakes,his choices,his compromises,his principles,the thin line between right and wrong has been beautifuly brought out by the bravura performance by Uttam kr. ...

CHUNIBALA DEVI (Indir Thakuron) Pather Panchali

The 80 yr old theatre actress played the role of the old senile aunt in this epic movie..But everytime i watch the film,it makes me wonder,does Ray really directed her the shots or simply asked her to be herself through each and every frame? right from her excitement on seeing the fruits brought by Durga,to leaving the house with her belongings to the final shot where her head stucks the ground as soon as she dies..the face,the smile and the crankiness leaves on with u forever! Brilliant would be an understatement!

TOM HANKS (title role) Forrest Gump

Just loved Hanks in this one (some percent more than Philadelphiae) with his sweet, innocent, boyish charm (sort of a goofy everyman), playing a character over three decades, of a man with an IQ of only 75 showing any of us can make it if we simply persist!!

INGRID BERGMAN/LIV ULLMAN (Charlotte/Eva) Autumn Sonata

This one turns out to be one of my favourite because of the two superbly talented actresses portraying an emotionally and physically distant mother and daughter in this stunningly accomplished chamber drama from Ingmer Bergman,specially from Ingrid Bergman portraying a self involved woman with great musical talent hopping from cheeriness to tears to agony and to final escape..Her performance,when put in perspective (she was dealing with breast cancer throughout the shooting) is simply amazing!!

MERYL STREEP (Miranda Priestly) Devil Wears Prada

There are stars and then,there are The Stars! but no one can ever ever match up to the histrionics of Meryl Streep..She's the devil,She's the dragon lady,She's thy arrogance!,She's in vogue and She's 'The Boss from hell' in this witty,slick,glossy,'in vogue',fun film by David Frankel...Her poise,her stature,the way she spoke and then 'the looks that could kill'...impeccable !! Streep alone makes the film a million time watch for me....THATS ALL ;) !!

VIVIEN LEIGH (Scarlett) Gone With the Wind

Its still touted as one of the epic films in the history of world cinema based on an epic novel..following the love affair between a manipulative woman and a roguish man during the civil war and reconstruction..and the film belongs to Vivien,hands down! She plays a scheming,selfish,spoilt rich woman who does everything to get what she wants including marrying someone for money as well as her own benefit...She is undoubtedly the best thing in the movie...to make u fall in love with a character like her is a tough job to do and she did that so effortlessly.One of the boldest performances i ve come across onscreen!

SUSAN SARANDON/JULIA ROBERTS (Jackie/Isabel) Stepmom

It might not be an out and out favourite for many of the arty kinda movie buffers but these two still remains my favourite, mostly because of their electrifying camaraderie onscreen so much so that lead actor Ed Harris gets completely sidelined..

SUCHITRA SEN (Archana) Saat Paake Baadha

Of all her films,this one remains one of  my personal favourite.She sashyed into the mould of Archana completely.You could relate to her helplessness,the complexities of her situation,being torn between her over bearing mother and her egoistic husband, completely overshadowing Soumitra Chatterjee with her mesmerising performance fetching her the Best Actress award at the Moscow Film Festival

SHABANA AZMI (Rukmini bai) Mandi

For me this one's Shyam Benegal's best work..based on a short urdu story 'Anandi' by Ghulam Abbas,its a 'satirical comedy' set up in a brothel inhabited by a bunch of prostitutes led by the madame Rukmini bai (Shabana Azmi).Azmi plays the domineering,crude,selfish and at the same time caring madame of the house,unrestrained and subtle at the same time..For this role,she had put on weight,learnt the kolhapuri accent and visited one of the famous 'kothas' of hyderabad to get into the skin of her character..Her loud tone,unrefined mannerisms,the way she wears & reveals her sari,the way she walks...are fantastically done.She's screaming at one point while being funny or emotionally sentimental in another,switching moods from angry to happy to funny to caring...What a screen presence! Phenomenol!

TO BE CONTINUED.....

36 CHOWRINGHEE LANE....A film by Aparna Sen

Never before had Indian cinema witnessed a film so soulful & poignant based on an Anglo Indian protagonist.Yes,references were there in the past,but those were merely to fill the absence of British actors.Aparna Sen,daughter of veteran film maker & critic Chidananda Dasgupta,made her debut into bengali films through Satyajit Ray's Teen Kanya (Samapti) & went on to become one of the finest actors of indian cinema.In the year 1981 she made her foray into film direction with 36 chowringee lane.Based on her self written story & screenplay,36 chowringee lane is about a middle aged Anglo Indian school teacher &.....just about her..& it is here,in this very aspect where the film touches the core of your heart.Sen did not attempt to make a film on the problems faced by Anglo indians in post independent India,nor did she tried to make a docu drama/thesis on the community,which is evident from the first frame itself.Sen had sketched out the content,plots & the characters of the film based entirley on her own imagination & these small small fragments of incidents encircle around the life of Violet Stoneham (Jennifer Kapoor).

Violet is a middle aged Anglo indian lady teaching Shakespeare to a bunch of disinterested girls in a local convent school.She stays in a small flat with a cat as her sole friend.Letters & post cards coming from long distant relatives & friends & weekly visits to her brother Eddie staying in an old age home giving some solace to her otherwise uneventful life.A chance encounter with an ex student Nandita (Debashree Roy) & her boyfriend Samaresh ( Dhritiman Chatterjee) brings a fresh lease of life into her dull existence.

With the help of moving shots and camera work ( brilliant work by Ashok Mehta),Sen has marvelously captured the everyday existence of Violet.Even after living in a city for so long & loving it in her own way,she still is far from attached to it..from the people,from the crowd,from the culture.But there's not even a single instance where her loneliness has been exaggerated or 'created' to evoke sympathy from the viewers,so much so that there's not even a single scene where she is seen complaining of her loneliness.The sounds of the cramped lift,of the clackering dishes in the kitchen,radio transistors playing hindi songs in a nearby apartment,the fading evening dim lights enveloping the room,the flickering of the lamp,her frequent going into reverie while reading the letters,..her long,frequent close up shots...gives us a vivid image of loneliness that surrounds the life of this middle aged Anglo indian woman....But Sen shows her loneliness with dignity & diligently ensures perfect visual sense out of each and every scene..,and thats where the movie is a winner!

When Violet's life is going thru the same daily routine of going & coming back from school,teaching Shakespeare,climbing up the stairs,checking her letter box,feeding her cat,seeing old pictures,writing to her niece Rosemary,a quite meal by herself,visiting her brother Eddy (played by Jennifer's real life brother Geoffrey Kendal),...comes Samaresh and Nandita,the bengali couple who were looking for a perfect hideaway for their escapades at Violet's home in 36 Chowringee lane & Violet begins to enjoy the company of the two with usual outings to movie theatres,victoria memorial etc..

Also the dream sequence has been shot brilliantly (in a bergman style)

Jennifer Kendal Kapoor (late wife of Shashi kapoor) essaying  the role of Stoneham undoubtedly turns out to be one of the best to come across in Indian cinema.Being a veteran stage artist herself,her rendition of Sen's Stoneham filled with solitude,angst,frustration and misery deserves nothing less than a standing ovation!!

The film boasts of some marvellous scenes to cherish forever...
a)Violet's peeking into Samaresh's party thru the window pane where she realizes that every bonding,every human relationship is nothing but just a matter of 'give and take'..once the utility is over,a relation is also over...
b)Violet coming home early one windy afternoon,finding the door open and watching the couple kissing in front of her, reminding her of her own youth...

c) But the image that will always haunt me is that of Violet trailing along the streets by the sides of Victoria memorial,reciting Shakespeare all by herself  with a dog as a company,holding the tin box in her hands with a bewildered expression on her face!!The message is simple 'Life moves on'...

My final word of praise remains only for Aparna Sen,for executing and bringing into life the subject of loneliness with such brilliance that you wonder its her debut film as a director! She deserves all the laurels she garnered for this gem of a masterpiece!


P.S. : I hated the National Film awards jury that year for overlooking Jennifer's performance for 36 Chowringee Lane,and giving away the Best Actress award to Rekha for Umraao Jaan!!!